How To Control Your Husband: A Sarcastic Guide to Marriage, Husband Training, and Becoming the CEO of Your Household Through the Illusion of Choice, Wedding Gift Kindle Edition

Unlock the secrets to a perfectly harmonious household with this groundbreaking guide to understanding, managing, and gently steering the most complex creature known to womankind: your husband. Finally, a book that tells you what everyone else is afraid to say: that marriage is not a partnership of equals, but a glorious opportunity for you to become the CEO of your own domestic empire.Have you ever asked your husband what he wants for dinner, only to spend forty-five minutes listing options while he rejects each one, culminating in a greasy pizza you didn't even want? Have you ever watched him "help" with the laundry and emerge twenty minutes later having created a single, sentient ball of wrinkled fabric that defies the laws of physics? Have you ever received a vacant "Mmm-hmm" in response to an important story about your day and wondered if he was even in the same room? Fear not. This book is your salvation.Written in the wickedly sarcastic and utterly unapologetic voice of Penelope "The Puppeteer" Prigg, this comprehensive guide takes you by the hand and leads you through the art of gentle, effective, and entirely deniable husband-wrangling. Learn how to present him with the Illusion of Choice, so he believes he decided to clean the garage all by himself. Discover the Glorious Art of Weaponized Incompetence, and how to encourage his helplessness in the areas you wish to control. Master the Dinner Decision minefield, the Silent Treatment as advanced negotiation, and the scientifically proven Reward System that will have him performing acts of desperate service for a single smile.From decoding the hidden meanings behind "I was just about to do it" and "You didn't ask" to establishing a financial system where your spending is "maintenance" and his is "childish hobbies," this book leaves no stone unturned and no husband unchecked. By the final chapter, you will have transformed your lovable but slightly oblivious partner into a well-trained, compliant intern who quietly tends to his small corner of the house while you run the show with an iron fist in a velvet glove.Whether you are a newlywed looking to establish proper protocols from day one, or a seasoned wife seeking to reclaim control from a long-term resident who has grown far too comfortable, this book is your essential manual. Read it. Learn it. Live it. And prepare to accept your rightful place as the CEO of Your Household Inc.Disclaimer: This book is a work of satire. The publisher, the author, and her long-suffering cat take no responsibility for any marriages that may spontaneously combust, any husbands who develop sudden-onset deafness, or any black eyes you may receive from rolling your eyes too hard while reading. Read at your own risk, and remember: it's not manipulation, it's domestic engineering. Read more